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Coming to You From PNC Park

Pittsburgh Pirates 2011 Promotional Schedule

*Bloggers note: The following is not actually the Pirates 2011 Promotional Schedule

Dear Pirates fans,

This is Team President Frank Coonelly, I hope this letter finds you in good spirits as we have tried our best to build a winner for the first time in years. We have spent some money on proven talent in Scott Olsen, Matt Diaz, Kevin Correia and Lyle Overbay and always have some room to build.

After much thought and deliberation, the Pirates Promotional Schedule has been released, and here are some of the highlights:

  1. Opening Day Schedules- Well actually all you get are the 2010 ones with former Pirate Lastings Milledge on them. You don't really get a 2011 schedule, it wasn't in the budget (well it was, and then we signed Lyle Overbay).
  2. John Russell Bobblehead- The first bobblehead of the season, there are three iconic images to choose from. All images feature Russell with his back to you. The first and most classic bobblehead captures the image of him walking to the mound to make a pitching change. The second features him walking back to the dugout after arguing with the umpire. The third bobblehead features him anxiously pacing the dugout. Although the bobbleheads look the exact same, the bobbleheads are in fact different. Be sure to buy plenty of tickets to collect all three.
  3. Joe Kerrigan figurine- Be careful. If you hold on to the figurine for too long, your pitching motion may get worse (see Zach Duke).
  4. Charlie Morton Guitar Hero- This exclusive PNC Park video game is compatible for the Playstation 3, XBOX 360 or Wii. It is a play on Guitar Hero, with you playing the guitar and trying to sing better than Pirates pitcher Charlie Morton. Morton is your mentor and offers two lines repeated over and over again to help you. Have fun and rock out!
  5. Scratch and Win Mondays - Yes that's right Pirates fan, Scratch and Win Mondays are back by popular demand. The winner of each week gets a pitching session with Matt Morris. Morris (who of course will get paid $10 million for this) will give you "great" advice on how to pitch. He has truly helped and inspired many players, just ask Ian Snell.
  6. Free ticket day- Who wants a free Lexus Club ticket? I mean this promo worked for the Rays (then again they are a playoff team).
  7. Pirates Pillow Pet- This will trump last year's Snuggie promo by a mile....!
  8. Steve Miller Band Concert- Who can forget last year's rainy game when Steve Miller Band came to PNC and was told to get off the field and instead cussed out the grounds crew. Well here they are, back for another go around (as a sidenote this actually happened and this is an actual promotion this season).
  9. Consol Energy Center Day- In an attempt to get an actual sellout crowd, the Pirates will play a game at Consol Energy Center, home of the Pittsburgh Penguins. Will they get a sellout... probably not.
  10. Ballhawk day- In the first ever year of doing this, the Pirates will put 500 baseballs in left field, 500 baseballs in center field, 500 baseballs in right field and 500 more baseballs throughout the park. Ballhawks will get 90 minutes to grab as many baseballs as they can. Whatever they can get, they keep. It will probably be the most aggressive effort at the ballpark all night. Must sign waiver before going for the baseballs.
  11. Aki Iwamura day- Aki's number 3 is retired by the Pirates, never to be used again.
  12. Seven Springs Tickets- Good for 2 minutes at 7 Springs courtesy of Bob Nutting.

This is just a sampling of the promotional calender for the season to come. Please come early and often to support your Pirates!

Happy Holidays!

Frank Coonelly

Zac Weiss is a contributing columnist to and also maintains a Blog.

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